


I Could Beat Your Ass

by natasharomanoffaesthetic



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Drinking, Drinking Games, F/M, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Might turn into a collection, One Shot, Romantic Fluff, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-23 09:56:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4872445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natasharomanoffaesthetic/pseuds/natasharomanoffaesthetic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Illya wakes up with a hangover and he tries to remember what happened the night before. Shenanigans ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Could Beat Your Ass

The dust in the air was illuminated from the fresh morning lift peaking through the curtains. There was a calm, nostalgic feeling in the room, cozy in a way. The world seemed to stop in the stillness of it all. Empty liquor bottles were scattered on the floor, along with various pieces of clothing. Two luxurious meals lay untouched on the fine wooden table, except for little white feathers that gently cover them, as well as the rest of the room. This was probably caused by the half-open pillow stuck on the chandelier. Expensive wooden chairs were knocked over, one even broken into splinters. The only sound in all this discord was the soft breathing of the inhabitants of the room. 

Eventually, the rhythmic breathing was disrupted by a sniffle. The light caught the giant blonde man's eyes, causing him to wake. Before he opened his eyes, Illya tried to remember what happened last night. It was hard to concentrate through the piercing headache, but he managed to recall a beautiful brunette girl dancing. 

Gaby.

The girl that enraged him so much. The girl that managed to escape him with that American pig in Germany. Gaby, who he was supposed to work with; pretend to be married to. As if they were an actual match for each other! How was he supposed to concentrate on the mission, what with sass and incompetence? With being so clever all the time; with her soft brown hair, sparkling chocolate eyes. . .

And last night, she's she had the nerve - the audacity to offer him a drink! Illya refused of course; Napoleon would have a field day, the stupid cowboy he is. But then, Gaby started dancing, and that drink didn't seem so bad. 

Illya remembered getting so annoyed. This was a serious mission and any fraternizing would be completely intolerable. As he went to turn off the music, Gaby caught his hands and started to make him dance. Looking back now, he rather enjoyed the cute little way she made him clap his hands, her own hands oddly soft for a chop shop girl. Then, surprising him, and herself, Illya expects, she slapped him across the face. 

"You're not Miss Chop Shop anymore," Illya remembers saying. Gaby made some comment about dancing and wrestling he couldn't hear, and then charged at him, completely knocking him down. The brawl was rather one sided, as Illya didn't want her to end up with bruises in the morning. It ended with two chairs flipped over, the coffee table broken, and Gaby straddled on top of Illya. She started to lean in, ever so slowly. The heat from her face becoming overwhelmingly close to his; her perfume intoxicating him; eyes boring deep into his. "I could beat your ass," said Gaby softly. 

Just as their noses were about to touch, two sharp knocks came from the hotel door. Gaby sighed and got up to answer it. Looking over her head, Illya saw that it was Napoleon. He was holding two bottles of clear liquor in one hand, and a handful of bugs that Illya planted in another. 

"These are yours, I believe?" Asked Napoleon in that annoying western accent of his. Illya eyes rolled so far back into his head that he actually hurt himself. Before Gaby could say anything, Napoleon walked right past them into the room and looked around at the mess. " I see that I made it in time for the party."

"What do you want, Cowboy?" Illya asked in a borderline rude tone. 

"What?" Said Napoleon with a mock offended look on his face. "I'm just trying to promote some inter-work camaraderie. Teamwork, y'know?" 

Just as Illya was about to tell him to leave, Gaby took the bottles from him and said, "Well I think that's a great idea." 

At first Illya was objected to it all, but after a couple glasses, he calmed down. Drink after drink was passed arround, as were the jokes; most of which were geared towards Illya. 

They were almost done with the second bottle when Napoleon drunkenly said, "Gaby, before we can open another bottle, you have to slap the ugliest man in the room, and kiss the most handsome." He finished with an eyebrow wiggle. 

"I'm game for that," she said. Gaby seductivly walked over to were Illya was, and sat on his lap, bringing his face in close. Then, she quickly repelled and slapped him. 

Before she could get up, Illya pulled her back in and kissed her. That's what Illya remembered the most. Her soft lips on his, sweet with passion. He knew that it was more than just a drunk kiss. So much more. He pulled away and looked at Gaby. And that was his last clear memory: Napoleon's cat calls and Gaby's loving smile. 

Still drowsy with sleep, Illya reached out in front of him anymore thet body in the bed. He knew that they had more to drink last night, but he couldn't remember what happened after kissing Gaby. Surly he would be able to remember sleeping with her, but nothing came to mind, so he decided to just go with it. 

"I could beat your ass," he said, placing a kiss on bare skin he assumed was a neck. 

"I know, Peril, I know," replied the deep voice of Napoleon. Illya popped his head up in utter bewilderment, eyes wide open now. 

"I could beat both your asses," said Gaby. She was sitting propped up by pillows on the other side of Illya, slowly turning the page of a magazine. 

The two men replied at the same time. 

"We know."

**Author's Note:**

> This was based off that one tumblr post. I would link it but for the life of me I cannot find find it! Hope you enjoyed! :)


End file.
